Trying Times

January 20, 2014 at 9:25 pm (The Snowy Barrens trilogy, writing) (, , , , , )

I’ve been trying to write this post for days…

My blog has been quiet for some time as I was struggling to prepare the last installment of my Snowy Barrens Trilogy for print. I had a thank you post in mind along with an opportunity to share a little about a few post-Christmas events, a post that I was planning for Friday past. I had a picture to share of a gift I had made my mother along with a few thoughts on the year to come (this picture here.) And as I finally reached the end of my editing challenge, tragedy struck my family and my ability to organize my thoughts changed in an instant. That’s why this post was delayed. And I’m still not quite on track so forgive me if this doesn’t stay on point.

I did plan on discussing a couple of new books, but that will have to wait. I’ll offer my thoughts on those when I can think straight again.

I’m not going to share the bad news. Those who know my family well enough know what happened and I’m not inclined to go into detail for those who don’t know us as well. I don’t like dwelling on unpleasant things or discussing them with others. I have a hard enough time talking to people as is. Just ask my husband – he complains about it all the time, and he’s someone I love and trust. So you can imagine how much worse it is with those who aren’t as close to me. Spoken words don’t come easily to me. They never have. I don’t share other family members’ gift of the gab. That’s why writing is such a great outlet for me.

It’s not just a matter of being shy, either – I’m not. You could ask my first game-master if she were still around to tell you. While most people just role-play orally, I would send her a novel’s worth of written notes for the game. It sounds silly, but that’s just who I am. Writing has been my communication medium of choice for most of my life. I’m not about to change now.

When something bad happens to most people, they want someone to talk to. They feel better if they can share their feelings and get it out of their system. Other than with anger – I need to vent like most people – I’m not like that. I babble a little when I get overly excited, but in general, I tend to clam up when things go awry. At times like this, I just want to curl in on myself and sit there being numb, processing everything at whatever pace feels natural to me. I don’t want to talk. Talking just adds extra discomfort on top of the original distress. But that’s what everybody else wants me to do. They don’t get it, because it’s different for them.

Unfortunately, I also find it hard to write creatively when things go terribly wrong, and this past year has been an exceptionally bad one. I lost a best friend and now my nephew. It feels like the universe is conspiring against me and these things have sucked the creative spirit right out of me. I’m hoping life will get better, but there are no guarantees. I just have to keep being thankful for what I still have. Everything you value in life may be fleeting…absolutely everything.

I do appreciate the words of support from the folks who have been kind and understanding when my family really needs it. I think we all feel very wounded and exposed right now. Knowing that people care doesn’t fix the situation, but it certainly makes it easier to bear.

So to all of you who have been there when we needed you, in these trying times – thank you.

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1 Comment

  1. cherylmoore said,

    I’m sorry, Chantal. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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