Edit Fest – In a Hard Place

June 1, 2013 at 11:16 am (writing) (, , , , , , , , )

I think I’ve probably reached that point in the journey of a struggling writer that might be one of the hardest to deal with. In the beginning, writing was all about fun – with wild ideas of getting published someday (and making money from it), a lot of output with not much to show for it, a sense that all of it is pretty much a silly unachievable dream and for the most part making a game of everything. Then somebody that I didn’t know very well took an interest in my writing – several people, actually – and I got my first story sale at semi-pro rates. Suddenly, I felt like I had a real chance.

It wasn’t long before the first small press novel contract came along, then another and another, and more story sales. Suddenly it wasn’t funny or silly anymore. I was published. I had sales … not enough to throw a party, but enough to justify my efforts somewhat. The semi-pro sales have added up, I’ve had a few maybes from pro-rate venues (although no yeses yet), and some of the fun has become work: careful editing, promotion, the whole submission process, and more.

But I kind of feel like I’m teetering on a point. My confidence is building, but not enough to support me on its own, and not enough to convince me that I’m not deluding myself, that I can hope for something more. For all the people I know who have encouraged me, I’ve had more than as many kick me in the face – metaphorically speaking. I have no agent, no big publisher contract and no pro-rate sale…nothing solid that can allow me to say “look – here’s proof.” Maybe all I’ll ever be is a wanna-be and that’s a tough notion to swallow. It’s hard to push for the surface when one day you feel like a fighter and the next you feel like a fake.

Submission blitz update – another rejection, this one from the podcast I was hesitant to submit to. The good news is that this time their critique was directed at the story and not a personal attack. However, while I’m pleased it wasn’t a form letter or an insult, I’m disappointed by the fact that I didn’t merit a proofread, with an obvious typo in the middle of a very short letter. Also, based on the comments, I doubt I’ll ever have anything of mine they’ll find acceptable. The few negatives they listed suggest my type of story just isn’t their cup of tea. I may try them again the next time I blitz – we’ll see.

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2 Comments

  1. nosebait said,

    You cannot lose confidence in yourself. I don’t know you, but I want you keep doing what you do. Just because the people who have seen your work so far have not understood, does not mean all publishers feel the same.
    I am a drummer and have never had the opportunity to do gigs every night (children) and my confidence has taken a big knock. But then I realise I am good at what I do, I love it, I have passion and that is what people see when I play. Not everyone is complementary, but hey that’s what makes me stronger.
    Most of the people in a job we so desire are usually not in it for the same reason. Money makes the world go round and if you’re not in it for the money but for love, then unfortunately you’re going to get rejected. I would say to build your confidence why don’t you try giving them what they want, something that’ll make them money. Put yourself to the back of the line, and put the publisher first, they do!
    I am not a professional anything, I am a mother who has talents in music, writing, knitting, painting and many other things I’m sure, but I do not get paid for any of these talents and that sometimes makes me feel like giving up and getting a ‘proper’ job. That would only give me money & no satisfaction. I am working on some songs to eventually go and busk with, I have never done that before & I’m scared but excited.
    Those feelings keep me writing and I wouldn’t change that for anything.
    I wrote a blog What Is Success? check it out.

  2. nosebait said,

    Sorry pressed button by accident.
    What ever you do, keep writing.
    Regards

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