What Does Not Kill Me…

June 14, 2010 at 10:27 pm (writing)

-Fortia drew closer to the dark shape. “I know it pains you to see your former self, but now is not the time to dwell on what you have lost. Let this fuel you to strive harder at the Trials, for what you can learn at the University may be able to help you one day to restore yourself.” –

There was an interesting discussion on one of the writer groups on facebook the other day about how much of ourselves we tend to inject into our characters. Ebon the Misplaced is one of those characters where I chose to explore one of the darker parts of me. He is one of those examples of “Be careful what you wish for.” He is also an example of someone who does not realize what they have to lose until it is already lost. I’ve been there. I’m sure many people have. I came out of High School with some amazing opportunities open to me, and I threw many of them away, out of fear – mostly fear of failure.

Now that I’m older and wiser, it is difficult not to kick myself for not being to wiling to take chances that came with minimal risk. The problem was that I had lived a very sheltered life, and my self-esteem had taking some pretty severe bruising in my earlier days. I wish that I had had more self-confidence, and I wish that I would have had the battle scars that I have now, instead of the open wounds that I had then. But I didn’t, and this is where I choose to apply another lesson learned from the exploration of a different character built from a piece of me… the fact that there is no value in regret.

Am I happy now? Very much so. Did I falter on occasion along the way? You bet, but if I could go back and change the way that I lived my life, maybe I might not be quite as happy, even if I did things “better”.

I give Ebon a chance to redeem himself, and he does take Fortia’s advice. It’s a struggle for him, just as some things have been a struggle for me, but you learn from your mistakes, and you move on.


1 Comment

  1. Jonathan said,

    Dropping out of college turned out as one of my best decisions (no, I am not sour-graping)
    If I did finish that engg course…I’d have a stable job by now…
    but not as happy as I am today.

    I like the “instability” of being a freelance writer.

    Cheers, fellow writer =)

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